Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of Lake Burley Griffin in Canberra

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
You can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size
As kids. I just don't get it.'

'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'

'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.

'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'

'Down the other side of the lake near the parking lot by the Parliament House.'

'Same here. Hmm.. How do you catch them?'

'Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock
The car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the out of
Them and eat 'em!'

'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
Getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the
Out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an arsehole and a briefcase.'

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.


The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'


'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'


'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.


''What a coincidence!' said the farmer.


As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'


'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'


'What a coincidence!' said the man.


'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'


'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'


'I used a different cock,' he replied.


The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence'.

i like it but I think were not really appreciated here  '09 Freelander 2 TD4 HSE Auto for the Mrs

Using the works Fiesta 1.6 TDCI Sport Van - CHROME FREE THOUGH

Searching for a nice E63 AMG or S8 V10 to replace my "wonky" TDV8

More like the jokes are a bit on the tame side ................

OK my son ,,,,, go for it. 2008 MY Supercharged
Rimini Red / Jet
four zone climate
remote park heater
and no ugly kid windows.
magnus satis quod turpis satis

I know what you mean Doc! they are most probably much much much older than us

I will try and break them in gently, i dont want to shock them all yet!




Seems most men are in favour of the muslim full face veil.


It solves the age old problem of where to wipe your dick after a blow job.

 2008 MY Supercharged
Rimini Red / Jet
four zone climate
remote park heater
and no ugly kid windows.
magnus satis quod turpis satis

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL MATCH WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

'HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.'

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY,
'FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'POWERGEN' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!'

'FINE!'

THEN THE WIFE ASKS,
'WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT'

TO WHICH HE REPLIED,
'FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'FRIDGIDAIRE'
WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!'

'FINE!' SHE SAYS
'THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS
TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK'

'I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS', HE SAYS, 'DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE 'TAYLOR WOODROW' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS, I'M GOING TO THE PUB!!!!'

SO HE GOES TO THE PUB AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS................

HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW
HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES
TO GO HOME

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE , HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES
THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, 'HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?'
SHE SAID, 'WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM.
HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.'

HE SAID,
'SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?'

SHE REPLIED, 'HELLOOOOO.., DO YOU SEE 'MR KIPLING' WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!'

A midget with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse?" said the owner. "A female horth" the midget replies.

So the owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth." says the midget, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the midget to show him the horses eyes. "Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf,
"Can I thee her teeth?" Again the owner picks up the midget to show him the horses teeth. "Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the midget says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the midget to show him the horses ears. "Nithe eerth". he says, Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the midget up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep in just under the horses tail. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The midget shakes his head and says: "Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
Can I see her wun awound?" letters not necessarily in the right order