After every flight,QANTAS pilots fill out a form,known as a 'gripe sheet' to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form.

Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a 'P') and the solutions recorded ( marked with a 's') maintenance engineers,who by the way have a sense of humor

P: left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
S: left inside main tyre almost replaced.


P: test flight OK, auto-land very rough
S: auto-land not installed on this aircraft

P:something loose in cockpit
S:something tightened in cockpit

P:dead bugs on windshield
S:live bugs on back order

P:auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute decent.
S:can't reproduce problem on ground

P:evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S:evidence removed

P:DME volume unbelievably loud
S:DME volume set to more believable level

P:friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S: that's what friction locks are for

P:IFF inoperative in OFF mode
S:IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

P: suspect crack in windshield.
S: suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: aircraft handles funny.
S: aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: target radar hums.
S: reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: mouse in cockpit
S: cat installed in cockpit.

P: noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: took hammer away from midget.

I think you could replace Qantas with LandRover since when you take your FF to the stealers to solve some problems you will get similar responses to your problems...  Mike.

2007 Range Rover Vogue TDV8, Black, Sand Leather Seats & Sand / Black Interior.
IID Tool from GAP Diagnostics.

JOKER wrote:

P: test flight OK, auto-land very rough
S: auto-land not installed on this aircraft

Brilliant  gone fishin'

 MY 2010 5.0 SC Galway green and sand interior!!
Have the Faultmate MSV2 Extreme to be tinkering with the settings etc. !!

 Tom

Current Drive
2011 4.4 TDV8 Autobiography - Santorini Black - Ivory Leather

Previous Drives
2004 Model Vogue Td6 (Touchscreen) - Java Black - Parchment Leather
1994 RR Classic 3.9 V8 Soft dash - Niagara Grey - Grey Leather
1972 Series III SWB Safari - Green (Hand Painted) - Black Plastic