1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!

2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!

3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!

4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!

5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up!

6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!

 Si. <This is my name.

I eat rat poison.

A man ain't truly been insulted until he stands buck naked in front of a woman and she didn't even notice. Or care.

I like No 1
 2020 Porsche Panamera Turbo Hybrid (V FAST)
2017 Range Rover Autobiography 5.0 V8
2018 JCW Mini Cooper
2018 Skoda VRS

John's first day at school!!!

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob".

Right back at ya


Jimmy awoke one night after hearing his mother scream in their bedroom. He slowly opened the door to find his dad on top of her making love to her. His dad turns around and says, " Go on back to bed son there is nothing wrong". Jimmy leaves in horror. When his dad is finished he hears a noise coming from down the hall, he opens the door to find Jimmy humping his grandmother. He asks " Oh my Lord son what are you doing?!!" Jimmy looks up and says "See it doesn't feel too good when somebody does it to your mum, does it?!"

Little Johnny Imitating a Hell's Angel

Little Johnny's sitting at the roadside playing. His mom looks out of the window to see him eating a couple of M&Ms, licking the family cat and then standing up, taking a couple of steps to the left and sitting down again.

Shocked, she goes out to see what he is up to. By the time she gets to him, he's done the same set of actions another four times.

"Johnny", she cries, "What are you up to?"

"I'm pretending to be a Hell's Angel," Little Johnny replied. "You know, popping pills, licking pussy and moving on."

Little Johnny was taking confession, and he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked.

The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."

Tommy, Jimmy and Harry were standing around bullsh.itting about how tough their fathers were.

"My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!" said young Harry.

"Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men... so lick that!" Tommy said.

"That's nothing!" declared little Jimmy. "My dad hasn't wiped his ass in 10 years... so lick that!"

Jimmy was sitting in 'Beginning Sex Ed' class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board.

"Does anyone know what this is?" She asked.

Jimmy raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!"

"Two of them?!" the teacher asked.

"Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!"

A teacher was playing a game with her class. She said "I'm holding something behind my back. It's red and you can eat it."

A little boy puts his hand up and says, "Please Miss, is it a tomato?"

"No," replied the teacher, "It's an apple, but it shows you're thinking!"

She continued, "I'm now holding something behind my back. It's yellow and you can eat it."

A little girl puts her hand up and says, "Please Miss, is it a banana?"

"No," replied the teacher, "It's a lemon, but it shows you're thinking!"

Just then, Jimmy at the back, giggling put's his hand up and says, " 'ere Miss, I got one for ya! I'm holding somefin' under the table. It's straight and 'ard, two inches long and got a round red bit at the end!"

The teacher says, "Johnny, don't be so vulgar!"

Jimmy says, "It's a match Miss, but it shows you're thinking!"

The last woman I was with said, “Kiss me where it stinks.” So, I drove her to Tayside.

Well spread my cheeks and call me ‘cell bitch;’ you’re prettier than anyone I ever met in the joint!

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

Hey, is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd sure love to tap THAT ass!

My magical watch says you're not wearing any panties...oh, you are? Damn, it must be an hour fast...

"I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?"

I would call Heaven and tell them an angel was missing, but I'm kinda hoping you're a slut!

Ok you win....Bastward!!!

John would do anything in school to get a girlfriend ….

Click image to enlarge

If that fell on your head you would be consumed alive

You reckon …  ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy