Just had a bloke at the door asking if I wanted to buy raffle tickets for black orphans.
I told him with my luck I'd probably win one.



The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops.
Although they do make me look a bit gay.



Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show,
a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.."



My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a w*nk.
I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year.
You want to stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."



On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependants?"
Apparently putting "Hundreds of f*cking Africans, Pakis, Somalians, single mums,
Romanians, loafers, smack heads & non English speaking people" isn't the right answer.
They've sent my form back!



Black bloke comes home to find his son sitting on the couch, grinning from ear to ear.
"What are you so happy about?" he asked.
"I just sh*gged the girl next door" he says proudly.
"Well done son. I hope you were wearing something."
"Yup" he replied. "A balaclava."



I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show.
Turns out I got it all wrong and the programme's called Fact Hunt.


Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and
accidentally swigged from a bottle of tippex.
I woke up this morning with a huge correction.



Some b*stard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line.
She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 18 pegs back. 2002 td6 vogue, 06 supercharged facelift

Oh yes

i love this one
"On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependants?"
Apparently putting "Hundreds of f*cking Africans, Pakis, Somalians, single mums,
Romanians, loafers, smack heads & non English speaking people" isn't the right answer.
They've sent my form back! " "RANGEISM WILL NOT BE TOLERATED"
www.futuresecurityservices.co.uk
Pretlove says , '' I want my car back "

Brilliant  Current MY2020
Gone: 1 x L405 and 2 x L322's

Quote:

On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependants?"
Apparently putting "Hundreds of f*cking Africans, Pakis, Somalians, single mums,
Romanians, loafers, smack heads & non English speaking people" isn't the right answer.
They've sent my form back!

too bloody true!