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JOKER



Member Since: 11 Sep 2008
Location: Sconnie Botland
Posts: 15876

Scotland 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up

Post #1976 22nd Dec 2008 10:55pm
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axle



Member Since: 28 Oct 2007
Location: Perth Perth the end of the Earth
Posts: 2964

Australia 2008 Range Rover Supercharged 4.2 SC V8 Rimini Red

I parked in a disabled space the other day and as I got out of the car a blue meenie comes up to me and says "excuse me sir but you don't appear to be disabled"
So I look at him and say"yes I am I've got tarrets you c**t now f**k of" 2008 MY Supercharged
Rimini Red / Jet
four zone climate
remote park heater
and no ugly kid windows.
magnus satis quod turpis satis

Post #1989 23rd Dec 2008 8:42am
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JOKER



Member Since: 11 Sep 2008
Location: Sconnie Botland
Posts: 15876

Scotland 

How come Superman can stop bullets with his chest but he always ducks when someone throws a gun at him? ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Post #2018 24th Dec 2008 3:06pm
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JOKER



Member Since: 11 Sep 2008
Location: Sconnie Botland
Posts: 15876

Scotland 
Rodeo

Two Cowboys discussing sex . One says "I like the rodeo position best" "Not heard of that one" says the other cowboy "What is it"

"Well you get your Girlfriend on all fours , mount her from behind then reach round and cup each breast and whisper "These feel just like your Sister's, then try to hold on for 8 Seconds"

Post #2250 11th Jan 2009 7:16pm
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kin



Member Since: 20 Nov 2008
Location: rainy city
Posts: 348

England 2006 Range Rover Vogue TDV8 Zermatt Silver

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly.

"How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

Post #2255 11th Jan 2009 10:48pm
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kin



Member Since: 20 Nov 2008
Location: rainy city
Posts: 348

England 2006 Range Rover Vogue TDV8 Zermatt Silver
children discipline

Most of the world's people think it improper to spank children.

The other day I was talking to one of my younger buddies about methods used to discipline children.

We talked about "time outs", grounding, holding back "rewards" until the child displayed desired behaviour etc. One of the things we discussed was the act of spanking and my friend explained that no, he does not spank any of his children.

He explained that what he does is to take the misbehaving child out for a ride in the car. He said that this usually works and that the child calms down fairly quickly. By removing the child, in this case his son, from the immediate situation and providing a change of scenery, the child is allowed to focus on something different. Once the child has the opportunity to change perspective, things get better quickly and the child has better understanding of his place within the family and begins to understand the family's concept of acceptable behaviour.

He kindly provided a picture of the process which I share with you now.













































Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated Mr. Green

Post #2256 11th Jan 2009 11:06pm
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Full fat not diet



Member Since: 16 Nov 2008
Location: Herts
Posts: 1209

England 2004 Range Rover Vogue Td6 Zermatt Silver

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up

Post #2258 12th Jan 2009 12:03am
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kin



Member Since: 20 Nov 2008
Location: rainy city
Posts: 348

England 2006 Range Rover Vogue TDV8 Zermatt Silver

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=DYbOQETOQUE&feature=channel

Post #2666 29th Jan 2009 6:37pm
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JOKER



Member Since: 11 Sep 2008
Location: Sconnie Botland
Posts: 15876

Scotland 
Cricket

Cricket umpires no longer shout Owzat and out for a duck , they now shout .........

Duck and what the Censored Wizat .......... Thumbs Up

Post #3391 5th Mar 2009 11:47am
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JOKER



Member Since: 11 Sep 2008
Location: Sconnie Botland
Posts: 15876

Scotland 

A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant. After a hearty meal, the waitress came by with the inevitable check. To the amazement of all, the Scotsman was heard to say, "I'll pay it!" and he actually did.

The next morning's newspaper carried the news item:

"JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED IN BLIND ALLEY."

Thumbs Up Thumbs Up

Post #3587 9th Mar 2009 6:51pm
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Full fat not diet



Member Since: 16 Nov 2008
Location: Herts
Posts: 1209

England 2004 Range Rover Vogue Td6 Zermatt Silver

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter

Post #3601 9th Mar 2009 9:08pm
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Andy



Member Since: 23 Feb 2009
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 2900

United Kingdom 2009 Range Rover SE TDV8 Stornoway Grey

A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and calls the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically:

"My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!"

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust:

"I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" snaps the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you."

The Londoner looks down in absolute horror.........

"Bloody Hell !!!!!!" he screams........ "Where's my Rolex ????..." 2010 MY Vogue SE TDV8 3.6 Stornoway Grey- fully loaded

Post #3646 10th Mar 2009 8:08pm
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