A man is lost on a hot air balloon over Ireland...he looks down and sees a farmer and shouts "Where am I?"...

...The farmer looks up and shouts back "You cant kid me ya fecker - you're in that feckin basket"

I love to pamper the wife after she's has a stressful day at work.

I get the hot water running, swirl around the foam & bubbles, and time everything perfectly so the moment she walks through the door the dishes are ready and waiting for her.

I know I'm a big softie, but that's just me


My Daughter said, "I hope your going to shave that moustache off before we go on holiday its disgusting"

Thats the bravest thing anyone has ever said to the wife.

My Missus wanted me to grow a moustache and i said " thats because you want me to look like you "

Well seeing my dinner was in the dog …..

Just too let you know the premature ejaculation society dinner is tonight No dress code, just come in your pants ====================================

"Open Mike Night " sounded like a lot of fun until i found out i was going to an Autopsy

There was an old man from Harrow,
who tried to have sex with a sparrow,
The sparrow said “No,
you can’t have a go,
as the hole in my arse is too narrow.”

THE COST OF LIVING HAS GOT SO BAD THAT MY WIFE IS HAVING SEX WITH ME BECAUSE SHE CAN'T AFFORD THE BATTERIES!

10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope.
Now we have no jobs, no cash and no hope. . . . .

Two men were having sex.

One said to the other 'go on, fist me'.

So the other guy sticks his hand up his partners arse.

'Now stick your other hand up my arse as well'.

So he squeezed his other hand up his arse.

'Can you clap?'

'No'.

'See, I'm still tight.'

Don't want those images described in that last post in my head really!

delamo wrote:

Don't want those images described in that last post in my head really!

Sorry Delamo, thought the comedy outweighed the disgustingness.

PMPL print off and post on Canal Street i dare you!! or even SOHO!!

KurtVerbose wrote:

delamo wrote:

Don't want those images described in that last post in my head really!

Sorry Delamo, thought the comedy outweighed the disgustingness.

No problem Kurt - I didn't get to read the punchline....whatever fliks your switch mate

Felt a bit down today.
so I dipped my Pakistani workmate in some bleach.

That brightened mamood.

Its nice to see Blackberry showing respect for the loss of Steve Jobs with 3 days of silence.