An Irish man goes for an interview on a building site.

The foreman asks him 'what's the difference between a joist and a girder'?

The Irish man says 'Joyce wrote Ulysses and Göthe wrote Faust'.

Ever tried Korean meatballs?

They're the dogs !

The government is worried that mens willy's are getting smaller. To find out how great the problem is they have asked all men with penis's smaller than 3" to put a white flag with a red cross on their car or house during the world cup

A dizzy blonde is soaking in the bath, her feet gently stroking the hot and cold taps.

Suddenly, she realises she's got her big toe stuck in the end of one of the taps and calls for her husband's assistance


"You silly girl," he says. "I'll have to call the plumber. Here, cover your fanny with this." And he hands her an old jockey's cap from the hatbox.


An hour later, the plumber arrives, looks the blonde up and down, weighing up the situation and says; "Well I can get your toe out, but there's feck all I can do for Willie Carson."

47p2 wrote:

The government is worried that mens willy's are getting smaller. To find out how great the problem is they have asked all men with penis's smaller than 3" to put a white flag with a red cross on their car or house during the world cup

The last time I saw that one it was a white cross on a blue flag.
More appropriate I thought.

Just as well we have a saltire then

I was feeling horny so i phoned the missus for a bit of phone sex.
As she answered i said, "Tell me your not wearing any knickers,"
She said, "Actually i am not wearing any knickers."
I replied,"oh yeah baby, tell me what your doing.......you naughty girl."
She replied, I'M HAVING A SH.I.T."

A dizzy blonde is soaking in the bath, her feet gently stroking the hot and cold taps.

Suddenly, she realises she's got her big toe stuck in the end of one of the taps and calls for her husband's assistance


"You silly girl," he says. "I'll have to call the plumber. Here, cover your fanny with this." And he hands her an old jockey's cap from the hatbox.


An hour later, the plumber arrives, looks the blonde up and down, weighing up the situation and says; "Well I can get your toe out, but there's fook all I can do for Willie Carson."

A sexual novice is getting married to a girl who's been about a bit and is worried about his first night. He ask's his mate (who's a bit of a lad) what to do as he doesn't want to disappoint her. The mate tells him to leave the bedroom window open and he will give him instructions.

So he goes into the bedroom and opens the window as told and his mate tell's him not to worry and that everything will be ok. His new wife comes in and starts to get undressed and at this point the guy panics and goes into to the toilet telling his new bride that he wants to make himself just perfect for her. After half an hour his new wife is fed up waiting for him to come out and is desperate for the toilet. 15 minutes later she is still waiting so she reaches under the bed and finds an empty shoe box into which she promptly has a crap. She places the box by the side of the bed and goes to sleep.

The guy comes out of the toilet, steps in the shoe box and calls out "fook sake's it's full of sh!te" A little voice from the window says "Turn her over"

PADDY SAYS TO MICK "CAN YOU HELP ME WITH THIS JIGSAW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE A TIGER?"
MICK SAYS"PUT THE FECKIN FROSTIES BACK IN THE BOX YA THICK T.W.A.T."

WHAT DO YOU CALL THREE SHEEP TIED TO A LAMP POST IN WALES?
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A LEISURE CENTRE!

I saw this fat bird in the pub, her T-shirt said - Watch out, I'm a maneater!
I went up to her and said "Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan."
She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten?! Well I can't help my size you know!"
I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all."
She looked happier and smiled as she said
"Oh yes, what did you want to say then?."
"That's not how you spell Manatee." Range Rover Autobiography 5.0SC
Range Rover Vogue 4.4 V8 SOLD
Aston Martin V8 Vantage

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.

I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds "Well, let's see what we can do about that. #1, you have to be single, and #2, you must be Catholic".

The cab driver is very excited and says "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK, the Nun says. Pull into the next alley".

The Nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the Nun "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm a Moslem."

The Nun says "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

The Olympic flag now has only 4 rings Green Blue and Red Black !!!!!

The Greeks had to porn the gold one !!!!! 2002 td6 vogue, 06 supercharged facelift

FOUND A DVD THE OTHER DAY ENTITLED "BALD AN BARELY LEGAL".
CHUFFED TO BITS I RUSHED HOME,PUT THE DISC IN THE MACHINE AND SAT THERE WITH MY C.O.C.K IN MY HAND READY TO KNOCK ONE OUT........
TURNS OUT ITS A MINISTRY OF TRANSPORT DVD ON TYRE TREAD DEPTHS!